Thursday, 29 January 2015

Stresses of a Mother and Suffering with Postnatal Depression

Hey Guys! 

Todays post is quite emotional. Its one that is extremely hard for me to talk about, and it effects me on a much deeper level, as well as many others. I started this blog with a vision of helping others and providing them with inspiration to achieve great things in their lives, therefore the purpose of this post is not to brag about my condition, but to help and assist others who are in or have been in a similar situation. 

Suffering with any form of clinical depression is incredibly difficult, its more than just the feeling of being low, its the feeling of being so low, you have no hope, no one to confide in, no drive, no happiness in your life, you are a completely blank human being. Sometimes life seems pointless all together, without our emotions and everything that makes us human, we are walking empty cases, we are a tiny dot in an ever-expanding universe. I guess what I'm trying to say is that its a very sad world for someone who is depressed, even at the best of times. Not so long ago I was diagnosed with postnatal depression, long after giving birth. Elijah is almost 10 months now so it kicked in quite late, although I felt there was something wrong long before that. Obviously I'm going to focus on pregnant women and people with children because thats what I suffer with, but I do hope this helps people with any other form of depression. 

Life was incredibly difficult. I guess it all started when I accidentally fell pregnant. You go through the stress of finding out, what are your parents going to say? How will they react? What if they kick me out? Where will I live? How will I be able to look after my child with no money? There was a whirl of questions whizzing around in my head. At one point I felt pressured into aborting my baby, but I don't believe in abortions, so I decided not to. I'm so glad that I didn't listen to that pressure, Elijah has changed my life so profoundly, its hard to explain to someone who doesn't have children. Its something you have to experience for yourself to understand. My family took it surprisingly well and they have supported me every step of the way. I'm very lucky to have them in my life. After Elijah was born circumstances meant that I spent most of his early days at my partners house, living with his parents. This is when the stress really started to build up. I had many arguments with Sean and his family, at times I felt like a caged bird. I spent ages just crying and crying in the corner of the room, sometimes for no reason at all. There was so many different opinions flying around it was hard to focus on what I wanted as a mother, what was best for my baby. I let everyone else take charge, because all I wanted was to keep the peace. That was a BIG mistake. Think of it like a bottle of coke. You shake the bottle, and keep shaking it until all the bubbles build, and finally at boiling point the lid bursts, and everything that was constrained inside comes pouring out. This caused even more conflict and it just added to the whole stress of the situation. There were times I didn't feel like anyone was supporting me with Elijah even though they were, I didn't feel loved and I looked at everything with a negative attitude. I resented everybody in my life. I had no friends to confide in, it was a very lonely place. 

Shortly before moving I started to experience intrusive thoughts, particularly regarding Elijah. I suddenly felt that I might hurt him. No mother wants to feel that way about her child...ever. I felt so guilty and ashamed, the thoughts started to take over my whole life. There came a point where I actually thought I might be a physcopath. I spent hours reading up online about different conditions and what could possibly be wrong with me. I never dared tell anyone, in fear of my baby being taken away. It wasn't until now that I finally plucked up the courage to open up to my family nurse, who straight away recognised what I was going through, and I was relieved to hear I wasn't the only one who had felt this way. She took me to my doctor who then diagnosed me with depression, and gave me anti-depressents to help with my symptoms. He told me that from the look of my son I was a great mum and he was happy that Elijah was safe in my company. I cannot express the sheer relief that just overcame me at that time. I can't say I was happy because that would be lying, but I did feel something. Sat here typing this up I still feel flat, and disconnected from my son and everyone else in my life, but I have definitely seen an improvement in my mood, some days I even get a surge of happiness. Its nice to know I'm on the mend. 

I'd like to tell you that if you suffer with any form of depression there is still hope, even on the worst and darkest of days. Take it from somebody who knows. If you suffer from intrusive thoughts its important to know that they are just thoughts, in no way are they real or relevant to you as a person. You should not feel guilty for having them and you are definitely not crazy, you just need help from somebody who will listen and help you to understand your situation. Although it was daunting at first, I found opening up and talking about my problem very liberating. I felt a lot stronger as a person, like I could finally move on with my life. Even if your just upset about something, and your not depressed, I urge you to just talk to someone, your mum, your dad, your sister, your brother, your dog even, it just helps to get it out there. Don't think about the person you are now, envision the person you want to be. For example I hope to publish a novel one day, its the one thing I've always wanted to do since I was little. I'm now looking forward to the prospect of studying with the open university (yes! even with a child) for an English Literature and Creative writing degree, to make that dream a reality. Its all about thinking positively, and taking that first step towards a brighter future. 

Thank you for reading, and if this post helps just one person to know that they're not alone, it would make me a really happy human being. 

Lots of love x

Thursday, 22 January 2015

My Most Favourite Book Ever!

Hey how you doing guys!?

I may be an avid wearer of make-up, but I also love love love reading all the time! (no exaggerations). Jim Henson's 'Labyrinth' has been close to my heart since early childhood, the film was absolutely amazing. Its the only movie I can watch countless times and never bore myself to death. It was also how my love of all things David Bowie first came about. He's hard not to resist with those super skin tight pants, sexy leather boots and a cool 80's hairdo! So you can imagine how happy I was when I discovered the original film had been made into a novelisation. Straight away it was on my 'books I have to read list', and lucky for me Sean bought it for me as a christmas present (thank you Sean, I'm very grateful!). This book is actually a reprint of the original, with a few little extras added in, which have never before been seen, including some of Brian Frauds original sketches and ideas for the film. In case you didn't already know, Jim Henson is the creator of the famous muppets and kermit the frog, though I've never been an avid fan. This is by far his best creation in my opinion.

For those of you who haven't seen the film or read the book (god bless you) the story focuses around 15 year old Sarah, who mistakingly wishes her baby brother Toby away to the goblin king Jareth, who has fallen in love with Sarah and granted her certain powers. Sarah is then faced with the daunting task of finding her way through Jareth's puzzling labyrinth in order to win back her brother, but she must complete her task before 13 hours pass on the clock, or toby will become a goblin forever. 

In terms of the actual book it had a great deal to live up to with the movie being amazing and everything, I wasn't expecting miracles, but it actually wasn't that bad. The story remained true to the original film, apart from a few minor changes, which I really didn't mind that much. I love the dynamic between Sarah and Jareth, which I felt was explained in much more depth compared to how it was portrayed in the film. Though they were never an official couple, I grew a better understanding for how they felt towards one another as characters from the writers point of view. I like to read a story that can transport me to another world, and this book definitely does that. There's so much fantastical fantasy and vivid imagination that has been injected into it, that sometimes its hard to even comprehend everything at once as your reading. I like Sarah as a character, and throughout the novel you are able to see her growing and maturing, and learning vital life lessons that will effect her future, so there's some deep messages of importance thrown in there. I also like her reasoning for needing to go through the labyrinth. The story really portrays Sarah's deep love for her brother, even though in the beginning she was quite harsh towards toby, and she's the reason he was put there in the first place. The fact she was willing to put her life on the line really makes your heart melt, its nice to see some brotherly, sisterly bonding. As Sarah goes through the labyrinth there are many great scenes where puzzling obstacles are put in her way, raising the stakes and building up tension. You never know whats going to happen next with this novel, which is great. Once I'd finished reading I did enjoy looking at all the illustrations, whether that comes from being an artist myself or not I don't know. It was interesting to see some of the original ideas and notes that Jim Henson had written. I found it incredibly insightful and even inspirational at times. I have to be honest, I was a little disappointed there were no goblin king :/

This book is great for all fantasy lovers, and if your the sought of person who would love to experience being a child all over again! Its a really great, fun-loving, enjoyable story, with lots of daring adventures, amazing mystical creatures, and magical happy moments. Its also definitely one to read to the kids. I highly recommend anybody who hasn't yet seen the film to go and watch it right now! The whole family are bound to love it. The film in my opinion can never be beaten, not even by a novelised version of the original, David Bowie just nails it! Its funny that even though it was first made in the 1980's, it never gets old, and its fan base is now bigger than ever. 

Have you ever read or watched the Labyrinth? 

Did you enjoy it? 

Whats your favourite book ever

I would love talking about it with my fellow book worms, and am so open to new suggestions on what to read :) 

Bye for now x

Tuesday, 20 January 2015

Messy Curly Pony With a Bow

Hello everyone! How are you all doing? 

Hair is one of those things that when I wake up in the morning I just cannot, and will not ever be bothered with. Being a mother is stressful enough, so I don't need anything else added to that incredibly hefty plate. Today however, I got the opportunity (thanks to Sean I should mention) to experiment and take a few photos for the blog. I came up with a messy curly ponytail with a nice bow to top it of. Its a very simple, cute style, maybe even too cute for me to pull of. I've never really been a girly girl at all, but I did like the way it turned out in the end. Having a pony made a nice change from the normal flat, boring, knotted mess that sits on top of my head. Here's how to create the look in a few short steps.

Start of by combing your hair through thoroughly. My hair is like the wood of tangled vines from the sleeping beauty books. In other words, impossible to conquer except with my holy grail tangle teezer  (aka prince charming). Granted, its still a bit difficult, but I get there in the end. Then once you've climbed that mountain, part your hair roughly in half and tie it on top of your head with a band, so that you look a bit like this: 

A complete and utter idiot. 

Parting your hair in half just makes it a bit easier to manage smaller sections. Use a curling tong to curl your hair, it doesn't really matter which one you use. I prefer to curl my hair away from my face, but honestly its just a personal preference, and you can do whatever takes your fancy. Once the bottom section is finished let down the rest of your hair, and curl the remaining sections, until everything is lovely and curlylicious. 

Look who woke up while I was taking photographs. Little monkey. 

When you've finished it should resemble something a little bit like this ^. If you like to use hair products, go ahead and use them at this point. A texturising spray would add to the messy effect, but I'm not a big fan, so I'm just going to continue on without. 

Flip your head upside down and gather all your hair into a messy ponytail, and tie it with either a clear elastic or a hair band close to your natural hair colour, so that it doesn't look so obvious. Play around with your pony and get it how you like it, but you really can't go wrong with this one. Remember its a 'messy' pony. 

I topped of the look with a cute little red bow from Claire's. Here is the finished look: 

So what do you think? I don't think I would do this hairstyle everyday, but I do like how it looks. I've never really been very polished when it comes to my hair, just because its easier not to bother and still look stylish lol, so the messy look definitely suits my very lazy personality.

Whats your favourite ever hairstyle? 

Do your prefer a messy look or a primed and polished look? 

Talk Soon x

Amyloo here, heading back to earth x

Tuesday, 13 January 2015

Pretty Little Palette

Hey guys! 

This is just a short post to show you this lovely little palette I got as a christmas present last year (still getting used to saying it!). Its so pretty in fact, that I couldn't not show it to you, and I'm to afraid to touch it, in fear of ruining its perfectness. It contains 8 gorgeous shades, 4 dark shades for a full on evening look, and 4 lighter shades for more casual day time wear. They all have some form of glitter in them, which some people don't like, but I just love it! The glitter is not too over the top at all, its a very subtle shimmer, so they're all quite wearable colours. The lightest shades are a bit hard to notice, but in the day I do prefer to go as natural as I can, and sometimes its just nice to have a wash of something over the eyelid, and then top it of with a good liner. My favourite shade is 7, which reminds me of Taupe by Mac, a plum colour with hints of brown, its lovely. I think that purple tends to suit my brown eyes more than most other colours, so its no surprise to me that I subconsciously picked the purplest shade in the whole palette haha! I also like the little gold brush that comes with it, you can't beat a double sided brush, they're sooooo much easier. To top it all of, the mirror is a large enough size that you can see the majority of your face while you touch up, there's nothing worse than attempting (and failing should I add) to do your make-up in one of those teeny weeny things...can you even call them mirrors? All in all a gorgeously lovely eye palette, that everyone should have in their handbags, and this is a surprise as I've never been overly bothered with No7 products. They've definitely won me over with this one. 

Do you like this pretty little palette? 

Whats your favourite ever eye-shadow palette? 

Amyloo here, heading back to earth x

Saturday, 10 January 2015

Zoella Beauty Series: Fizz Bar

 Hello again everyone! I hope your all having a lovely, relaxing weekend :) 

Speaking of relaxing, I took a nice hot steamy bath yesterday, and I decided to use my Zoella Fizz Bar, for an extra dash of pizazz. I wanted to provide all of you Zoella fans with a short review of all her products, but atm I'm having to budget, so I thought why not write my first ever series here on AmyloosWorld? And what better way to kick it of than with a Zoella beauty series, the ultimate online queen. Zoella has been such a huge inspiration for many young people, and even though I don't know her personally, she gave me the confidence and motivation I needed to start writing my own blog, just through reading her words. I guess this is my way of thanking her for all she has done for me, and many others I'm sure. As much as I adore her brand, I'm going to give you my 100% honest opinions on everything, so don't be afraid of dishonesty.  

 Although there has been much controversy lately regarding her first ever book release, her super cute beauty range cannot be faulted. The line simply screams Zoe, and you can tell that she has put a great deal of thought and effort into each one of her products. The Fizz Bar instantly stood out to me as I love love love bath times, and am a big fan of Lush bath bombs. This isn't nearly as flash as the Lush one's, but I kind of like the simplicity of it. The packaging is so so cute, to the point where I didn't want to rip it open, it seemed like such a shame to ruin it. I love the fact it looks like a chocolate bar and that you can snap pieces of to savour it. Its like guilty pleasure but without the guilty. Its colourless, but the lovely smell makes up for that. Imagine the sweetest smelling sweet you've ever had the pleasure of smelling, and thats what this smells like, its gorgeous, and I actually kept picking it up out of the water, just so I could keep sniffing it haha. After popping it under water it starts to fizz straight away, and before you know it its all dissolved. I would recommend using two if you prefer things to last for a bit longer. I actually used 3, which is probably a bit over excessive...what can I say? I got a tad bit excited. As far as I could see it didn't make any bubbles (the bubbles you can see in the picture are from my bubble bath), and its doesn't do much else other than make the water cloudy, but it would make a nice little addition to any bath with a few other products thrown in. 

I loved experiencing my first ever Zoella beauty product, I came out of the bath feeling refreshed and fragrant. What next I wonder?...I'm feeling a bit of blissful mistful. If there's a particular Zoella product you'd like me to review, please leave a comment and let me know!

All of Zoella's products are available online and in store at Superdrug and online at Feelunique

Have you used any of the Zoella products yet? 

Whats your favourite Zoella product from the line? 

Amyloo here, heading back to earth x

Wednesday, 7 January 2015

Taking The Ombre Plunge

Hello everybody! 

A couple of days ago I decided to take the ombre plunge...finally! Its been something I've wanted to do for such a long time, and I'm so happy with the results. I wanted to go for a more contrasting ombre, though I think the more natural highlighted look is nice to. I am no professional and I would definitely recommend getting some help at home if you can't afford salon prices (aka me!). However, on this occasion I felt confident enough to do it on my own. Thank fully it didn't go tits up...for once haha. 

My best tips for ombre hair would be to use a good kit that contains everything you need including a brush and tray. They make the process so much easier, than if you were to just use your hands. Also blend blend blend and don't stop blending until your fingers burn! (joking), but that is so crucial to the finished look, you don't want to end up with horrible blunt straight lines. Ombre is all about the soft natural blend from dark roots to light ends. My kit came with a blending lotion, which actually helped a lot. Finally invest in a good quality purple shampoo or toner, which will banish all those horrible brassy tones that lie in your hair after bleaching, make sure you leave it on for around 5 minutes though. I bought a cheap £2 shampoo from my local boots store, which I didn't really find to be very effective, but after taking a trip to the hairdressers they used the 'Redken Silver Charge', which worked a treat, and its actually for men! Its definitely worth the extra few pennies for the more expensive brands where hair is concerned.

Here is a list of all the products I used to create the look: 

What do you think? Do you like my ombre hair or loathe it? 

Are you planning to go ombre? 

What products did you use or are you planning to use to create your ombre looks? 

Good luck with your ombre endeavours everyone! 
Good bye for now x

Tuesday, 6 January 2015

Christmas Catch-Up and 2015 In Our New Home

Hello all of you amazing people! 

Happy new year! I hope you all had a wonderful, merry christmas!

I've been away for quite some time, and I have felt very lost not posting anything on my dear old blog. Its like me trying to live without pizza (never going to happen). A lot of things have changed since I last wrote on this page, BIG things in fact. Moving house for instance, how exciting is that? We've actually moved into a two bedroom flat on the second floor, and they are very swish. We have our own breakfast bar (how posh!), and I finally have the 6 shelf bookcase I've always wanted, which I've already filled chock a block with all my favourite fantasy novels. Lets not forget that this was the first time I've ever moved anywhere, I never really knew just how stressful it would be, but its shocking, even more so with a 9 month old baby, who is now rolling around and causing heaps of trouble! But the important thing is that we're all here in our very first home and everything is finally coming together. Its made a lovely start to our new year. 

We had an absolutely amazing christmas. It melted my heart as a mother to see Elijah unwrapping all of his presents (with a little help from mummy) on his first ever christmas, it was such a special time for us. We first went to visit my mum and dad where we opened presents, ate christmas dinner, and had some good laughs and engaged in interesting conversations. Then we headed on over to see Sean's mum and dad, so that we could open even more presents (can you believe it?!), enjoy even more food, drink and conversation. By the end of the evening we were all completely shattered, I think Elijah was a bit overwhelmed by everything, poor lad. Nonetheless, it was still my favourite christmas to date, we even had our own tree (decorated by mwah) minus the angel on top, which I've made a note of to purchase next year. I'm looking forward to making up some lovely family traditions of our own in the years to come, as Elijah grows up. 

I hope you all enjoy having a little bit of insight into what we got upto last christmas (still getting used to saying that!), and catching up with our new life in 2015, I have plenty of funny photos to share 

You'll probably notice that the majority of the photos shown are of Elijah, and thats because I love taking photos of him so so much, that I forget to take photos of ourselves, but can you blame a proud mummy? (psst the answer to that question is obviously no!). Thanks guys for reading and I'll be back with another post very soon. I should just disclose that the last two photos weren't taken by me. They were taken by a very good friend of mine at 'Rosalie Photography', wouldn't want her thinking I'm taking credit for her work! 

Was this christmas...err I mean last christmas a special one? 

What did you all get in your christmas stockings?